Breaking and forming habits

It’s been almost a year and what a year it’s been. 

Since my last post I’ve gone through some significant family additions and it’s been hard with both the winter months and the changes to get back into photography. It’s a frustrating thing too, knowing that I love this craft and I’ve largely abandoned it. That’s not to say that I don’t want to take pictures, but plans I’ve had over the past year have been put aside, and that loss of morale has resulted in a lack of practice. 

I feel like I suffer from a content issue as well. I see photographers from around the world (including my personal favorite Dave DuChemin) doing all kinds of crazy things and teaching and learning and I feel like I’ve been left behind. Why do I have such a nice camera? Did I buy into this too quickly? It certainly feels like it. I want to take pictures creatively, I want post and show off my work…but my brain gets locked up in this morass of lackluster and same same photo oblivion. I don’t just want to take a photo, I want to create a piece of art. And not a masterpiece! Just my piece. 

I want to sometimes sell my work, with whatever sense of approval that brings with it. I’d love to practice at weddings and photo ops and look at maps of areas to track down beautiful waterfalls. But these things take time, and it feels like time is not something I have to give to this craft and it makes my soul ache. Photography to me isn’t just art, either. It’s adventure and wonder. I want those things, and I want to craft. So I have this self-sustained cycle of demotivation and I’m not certain how to get it gone. My habits have been broken (through no actual fault of my own), and I’m trying to find a way that I can form those habits again. 

Some might say to “go out and do it”; to just shoot for the sake of shooting. But that’s not my personality. I need structure (unless the assignment is no structure), and my creative juices rarely flow without a goal. I want to go out and shoot, but I’m often seized with a “comparibility complex” where I instantly think of all the photos that I’ve seen and go “That’s already been done, how would I be different?” and then I get stuck again. 

Really bad rut here. 

My eternal optimism doesn’t let me despair, but I can’t keep from feeling like a failure also. I want to take good, conscious photographs. I just don’t know how to get back on that train to eventual success.

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